There’s a tiny problem. See, me and T have been friends – sisters, in fact – for damn near 30 years, and in that time we’ve learned something very crucial about ourselves:
We can only stand to be together for about 2 days at a time.
After that, we need a break – like, weeks. We can talk, but we don’t need see each other.
The last time we tried long-term togetherness was the summer of ’91. We spent a painful week at my aunt’s house sharing a bedroom and a bathroom, and we both were on the same moon cycle. All I’ll say is, “Things got ugly. “
It probably took us about 3 months to get over that vacation, and once we did, we agreed that weekends were the most we should ever try to do – and even then, one of us takes the couch.
We are night and day.
It takes T a week to choose between a v-neck white tee or scoop neck white tee – and even then, she needs a committee of 10 to help her decide. I can get completely dressed in the dark in 10 minutes.
T does not like to do things on her own. And, in fact, will sit and do nothing if she has to do it alone. I like space and cherish independence. Even on vacation. If I want to read a book and she wants to learn salsa, she is subject to not dance if I don't take the class with her. And, folks, let me say this now: she just won’t dance.
Last night, she asked me to text to her a list of toiletries that she’ll need on the trip. I assumed she was asking me to suggest a motion sickness pill or something. No, she actually meant a LIST OF TOILETRIES. My response was, “So YOU want ME to make a list of what YOU need to clean YOUR @ZZ?! Does that sound…right...to you?”
Her classic response, “Well….so, will you do it?”
No. I won’t. In fact, if she forgets toothpaste, then she deserves to have stink fish breath. We’ll just tell everybody it’s the sea air.
Don’t get me wrong. This is my sister, and I will fight you to the death if you talk about her.
I’m just worried that I will fight her to the death after so much time together. I’m praying that the presence of a third friend will be enough distraction to keep us from turning the ship into this:
If you don't hear back from me in a few days....please send the bail money in small bills and and cashiers checks to the nearest cruise ship police department.
Ships -- and best friends -- ahoy!
