Good Girl Gone Bad

Everybody at work thinks I’m a badass.

How I know this is ‘cause they gave me an award that had a Skull & Bones on it, with the word BADASS and my name underneath. 

I was minding my own business (meaning, not paying any attention) at our quarterly all-staff meeting when I heard one of our VPs say, “This next award goes to a person who just takes the lead and gets sh*t f*cking done.”

I’m pretty sure that’s what was said, but I wasn’t listening closely so don’t quote me on that. The next thing I think I heard was, “Shemika, get your badass up here.” Which took me back to my childhood days of breaking stuff that didn’t belong to me. Fortunately, Bigmama wasn’t standing there with a switch, so I knew it was all good.

I received the award for planning and executing our volunteer day at a local Boys & Girls Club. I was glad to do the planning, and get the sh*t f*cking done for the kids. If you want to meet some real badasses, though, spend a day at the Club.

Wait, stop right there! I’m not talking about the kids. I’m talking about the 8 men and women who provide afterschool care, snacks, tutorials, and yes, even love and caring to nearly 150 low-income kids in a rundown, understaffed and underequipped building. The paint and plants I bought are nothing compared to what they do on a regular Monday before 3 p.m.

When the announcer called my name at work, I grabbed the mic Kanye-style and said, “Hold up, hold up, I’ma let you finish but... the staff over at the Club are the real badasses.”

Okay, I didn’t really say that. I didn’t even think of it. My friend DG did, and it was just too good of a line to waste. 

The Club staff really do deserve all the credit, so I dedicate my award to them. The $150 gift card and free hotel room that came with the award? I’m keeping them for myself.

'Cause, I’m a real badass.

The weather outside is frightful

The skies are so not delightful... How much longer can this go on? I'm all for Lake Lanier reaching it's full level and all, but enough already with the rain, overcast conditions and low temps. I am developing a serious case of the S.A.D.s over here (that's Seasonal Affective Disorder, by the way), and that means it's gonna be a long winter.

Year's ago, I, with the help of WebMd.com, self-diagnosed me as S.A.D. (I also diagnosed myself as having an enlarged prostate, which may have been slightly inaccurate, but whatever). That's right, when the seasons change and the sun goes on vacation, things get rough for Mimi.

I know for a (un)scientific fact that I am S.A.D., because I experience:
1. Mood swings: Check. I hate leaving my house and coming back to it in the dark. It pisses me off, and I don't want to smile.
2. Oversleeping: Check. If it's dark outside, I should be asleep, even if it is for 12 hours during my regular workday.
3. Low Energy: Check. Who in the name of a cold winter's morning has the energy to get up and go out when it's 10 degrees, wet, freezing, and oh yeah, DARK.
4. Increased craving for sweets and starchy foods: Check. I want some gumbo, some turkey dressing, some sweet potato pie and some yeast rolls.

According to the experts who do not work for webmd.com, the trick is to turn on plenty of lights, stay active, and take supplements enriched with Vitamin D. But how am I supposed to do that when I'm battling all these symptons? Does shopping for sweet and salty foods count as activity? Does the glow from the TV count as extra light?

I got problems, serious problems. And I'm determined to figure them out... just as soon as I wake up from my nap.

S.A.D.ly yours,
Mimi

Holy Hellacious Hoarding

What in the name of complete, total, filthy, nasty, germy, trashy, bug-infested, dirt, garbage foolishness could possess a human to live like this? 

 
Last night, when I should have been sleeping or at least reading a chapter of my new book, I stumbled across “Hoarders” on A&E. This is the mother of all train-wreck shows, masquerading as semi-reality/documentary TV. 

Hoarding is a compulsive mental disorder whose sufferers literally cannot get rid of anything. Not. One. Thing. Nothing. Not a bottle top, sandwich bag, 3^rd-grade coloring sheet, Pepsi bottle, newspaper, paper clip….nothing… They keep it all. And on top of that, they like to go out and get more stuff, like an armadillo handbag and 17 empty coffee cans.


It’s so sad to watch. So imagine how it must be for them to live like that.

Last night, the two people had it so bad that they were on the verge of getting evicted. One guy was literally sleeping on a mound of empty Pepsi 2-liter bottles and old pizza boxes. He said it was protection, so that if anybody broke in the house, he’d hear them. Dammit, if a burglar was stupid enough to kick that door in, the smell would run them off!

The other hoarder, a lady, had gone through a divorce and needed to clean and move out of her house so it could be sold. She couldn’t do it. She got upset. She threw stuff, she kept stuff, she cried, she snapped, and she just could not do it. At the end, she had to leave the house as it was.

I tell you what, I already have hygiene issues. I do not like clutter or filth. I do not like to keep plastic bags, receipts or anything. And have, in fact, been known to throw away plastic bags with receipts in them.

After watching that madness, it made me want to get up at 2 a.m. and clean. But then, sheer laziness set in and I drifted off to sleep, dreaming about comet and bleach and empty closets.

Look for this show. I promise, it will change your life and your attitude toward junk drawers.

Blah, blah, blog

My last post was over a month ago? That can't be right. How did that happen? How did I get so distracted?

Oh, I know, what happened... my life got in the way! 

Recently at work, my co-editor was let go for underperformance. So I've had to step up with OVER-performance and make it all happen. 

Recently in life, I had to let go my co-snuggler for his own underperformance (no, not THAT kind of a performance! Back away from the gutter!!). All I have to say about him is, the phone lines are NOW open and I am happily accepting new applications for 2010!!!!

With all this underwhelming underperformance, I could barely find time to sleep, much less blog. I hope you understand.

But now I'm back! I missed ya, and we're gonna make up for lost time.

So, tell me, please, what have you all been up to?