Life after Daniel and other dirty little secrets

So I made it all the way through my Daniel Fast with minimal to no food cheating, and I’m so proud. I melted away a little belly, and my metabolism is back in  working order. Even all these weeks later, when I have one too many bites, I feel it….

And now for the grand confession….

I have a BIG dirty little secret.  And I’m almost too ashamed to admit.

Okay, here goes…

On any given day, my little green house on the hill is usually in clean to impeccably clean condition. If visitors were to unexpectedly drop by the casa that I call the bat cave – which I do not EVER advise by the way (unannounced callers are just a big fat no, and this means you, Teacher boy!) – they’d probably see nothing more than my purse draped across a dining chair. Or, at worst, a pair of shoes just inside the door.

I love to clean. I love it. Give me some Fabuloso, some Windex and some tunes and I am ready to scrub, rock and roll.

The truth, though, is that it’s all a façade.  See, hidden inside my closets is a mishmash of coats, blankets, yoga mats, Christmas paper, old answering machines, a dried cinnamon potpourri wreath that smells like dust and other items of untold foolishness that I can’t seem to get rid of. 

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just let my high school letterman jacket go to a good home? Am I really going to listen to Jodeci’s first album… on cassette tape?

Why do I keep promising I’ll cancel my AT&T voicemail and put that TX5900XZT answering machine, circa 1991, back into rotation? (You know the one. Everybody in college had it and they all had the same passcode, so that you could easily check your cheating boyfriends voicemails at any time….but I digress.)

If a woman’s home is a reflection of her life, then what in the hell does mine say about me? Clean and shiny on the outside…jacked up on the inside? Or, am I just hoping K-Ci will call and finally make me “Forever his Lady” via answering machine?

It’s a problem, it’s a sickness….and I need help. Somebody better get Niecy Nash and the Clean House team over to my house. Just… make sure they call first….