Now Serving: Mimi, Party of 1

I have issues, people. Food issues, to be exact.

You may recall that my dining habits are….quirky….to say the very least. And while I should be ashamed to admit that I once ate meatballs and M&Ms as a meal, I’m not. Not ashamed at all. Those little chocolate buttons taste good dipped in marinara sauce. (I may or may not be kidding about this.)

I am happy to report that things (including my waist line) have gotten better. Well kind of. I eat out more. So that means I eat foods that sort of match and meals that involve vegetables. Oh, and my pal over at Life in Dishes takes pity on me pretty often. She’s a bona fide, certified, dignified personal chef now, so her meals guarantee that I don’t develop scurvy.

The issue is not that I can’t cook. I can. The issue is that I can’t cook meals that are perfectly portioned for the singleton in me, who--by the way--doesn’t like to eat leftovers.

What I know about cooking, I learned from my Bigmama. And meals for our family usually involved serving 15 to 20 people at a time. On a random Thursday night. And I’m not kidding.

Now bring those lessons home to my own kitchen and I always end up with a mighty big pot of just about everything. Which is why I might hate spaghetti forever. I’ve tried using a half-pound of ground meat. A handful of noodles. A half jar of sauce. But I always end up with more than I can eat. Once for dinner, maybe twice for lunch, but after that I’m done. And yet, the pot will still be full. Which is why we had to break up.

The other thing is bread. I like turkey sandwiches. I like PB&J. You know what I don’t like? Buying an ENTIRE loaf of bread. Why can’t they make loaves with exactly 8 slices, including end pieces? That’s all I need. Any way you slice it, though, I’m toast when it comes to meals at home.

So tell me, all you single ladies, how do you do it?